An angry missive from Ms. Sylvia Blaithe

What follows is the deleted post originally written by dissatisfied Scrivener user Sylvia Blaithe on Thursday March 5th, 2009. The forum moderators found her post too offensive to remain in its original context, but we humble champions of free speech believe her voice has a right to be heard. This post has not been edited in any way but the following: in her original post, Sylvia left no spaces between paragraphs. We have added spacing in an attempt to make the text more readable.

And I, as the evil forum moderator in question, would hasten to add, for any users coming afresh to this, that Sylvia is not a real person, but a figment of Sam’s disturbed imagination. :slight_smile: I deleted the post because I thought she was a “troll” (someone who hadn’t bought Scrivener - I checked the database - and yet claimed she had and that it was rubbish, and who also started by insulting everyone here - “stupid Mac users”). I don’t delete posts that give negative feedback of Scrivener (this is only the second thread I have edited in this way in however many years this forum has been going); I just felt that this one was intended purely to provoke myself and the users of the forum, with nothing constructive in it. And indeed, it turned out that it was intended that way - Sam’s practical joke. Which is why it is allowed to live on here.

Sorry, I just felt I had to add a little context so that it doesn’t look like I’m trying to hide anything and that users are rebelling! (I wanted to make a joke about “users are revolting” here, but figured that wouldn’t go down well with those new to this forum, either.)

All the best,

Ahhhaaaa!! THIS IS CLASSIC!! :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:
Sam youre a class act. :smiling_imp: I think L&L should now become a Three Man and a Girl Band. KB developer; Dodgy Dave doing whatever it is hes supposed to be doing; Amber doing everything else that requires real Brain-Power, and Sam as Advertising&Publicity copywriter. Can`t fail!!

Thank for the laugh! I`ve got bellyache! :laughing:

Do you see why I immediately thought of Wock? This is like a conversation with every southern back woods hick as written by the school principal. Seriously.

Sam, you clearly have a gift.

Actually speaks pretty good for hickish. :slight_smile:

I like the line “it costed a hole lot less than scirvner and a new mac portible!!!”

Only thing in the south that uses the word portable is a port-a-potty. (sheesh)

We call dem fancy little laptops “crotch warmers” or “nut bakers”. Ever seen how hot dem tings get?

Mere de Lucifer! Qui est Sylvia ? Où elle est ? Parle avec Le D, mon Amour ! :smiling_imp:
Come tell me your secrets, you naughty little vixen 8)
I`m waiting… :wink:
Le D :smiling_imp:

I like her vu on things.
She shud right mor.

Ms Blaithe confrunting Ryunair.
Ms Blaithe returning non-werrking guds to the sexe-shop.
Ms Blaithe describing her smeer test.

Her chilehud would be woerth gnowing too,

She has talent and needs to spread-it-about.


I take it we`re talking about her writing talent here. :confused:
Knowing you, somehow, I doubt it.

Bravo, Sam! :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: You really had me going there. No, really! I’m serious! You see, I just finished reading the comments posted to the online versions of my local newspaper’s stories, and (this should scare us all) there are people here who write and think just like “Sylvia!” :open_mouth:

Worse yet, some of them are my clients! :astonished:

And yall thawt it wuz jus hiks in da south dat tawked like dat.

ha haaaa! We got us a hole slew of inbreds from alabamaia spred all acrost de place.

Thanks for the re-post.
A chuckle’s never a bad way to start the day…

Well done, Sam. It made me smile. This may seem like a bizarre connection, but as I was reading “Sylvia’s” diatribe, I thought of Algernon Blackwood’s remarkable young girl’s “voice” in his horror classic “The White People” (minus the spelling errors, of course); it’s full of breathless run-on sentences, too. It’s worth a read, though it is an unsettling tale.


“gaspar schott”

Thanks for the recommendation! It sounds intriguing. Will definitely check it out. By the way, has anyone else downloaded the Classics app for the iPhone? I didn’t think I’d be able to read a book off the the little iPhone screen, but it’s a great way to kill time while waiting for the doctor, at the airport, or at lunch.

Sorry, Arthur Machen, not Algernon Blackwood.

A nutter in the pub once “treated” me to his stream of consciousness question or statement.
It was amazing as I translated it into English. One word ran into the next one, one thought ran into another.
I told him several times to make sense and stop rambling but he had an audience to his inner world and so continued.


This form of communication is usually referred to as “drunkenese”. IN order to comprehend it usually one has to be just as liquored up for full comprehension but due to the vast amounts of alcohol needed to obtain this insightful form of communication retention of the information the next day is met with blank spots and a murder me headache.

It could also be “psychoese,” which doesn’t require high quantities of alcohol.

It does if you’re the one having to listen to it! :wink:

Well, when I wrote about “psychoese,” I thought I’d just seen the absolute worst writing in the American corner of the English-speaking world. And yes, reading it requires copious quantities of alcohol to make it tolerable. (I’ve never tried any other mind-altering substances, so I can’t vouch for their effects.)

It’s a writing style used by a guy who somehow got his hands on a copy of my space opera manuscript, and who wanted to discuss it via e-mail. A mutual acquaintance described him as being a sufferer of a mild form of autism. I knew kids in school who struggled with mild forms of autism, so I didn’t think I’d mind. Stupid me.

It turns out that he’s mildly psychotic, not autistic. As is common with the mildly psychotic, he has delusions of grandeur, particularly concerning his writing. His writing is not only ungrammatical and loaded with spelling errors, but it’s so burdened with jargon that it reads more like the abstract from a highly technical article in Science magazine than a story. He thinks it’s “art.” I think it’s not, because all it conveys is a migraine. :frowning: (What I actually think it is, is unprintable in a “family newspaper.”)

Well, just after I’d decided that his was the worst writing I’d ever seen (and, having taught Newswriting over here, I thought I’d seen it all), through our law firm’s office door walked the Very, Truly Worst Writer On The Planet.

Let’s just say he makes our fictional Sylvia look like a Pulitzer winner. What’s really unfortunate (aside from the fact that he, too, is mentally ill) is that his writing is on our local court’s electronic docket for all the world to see, in the many cases in which he’s represented himself. It’s not like his writing’s gibberish simply because it’s laden with legalese. It’s unintelligible to attorneys, too!

I’d give you a sample, but it just makes my head ache, and I’m sure it would give you a headache, too. I’ll spare us all. But if you’re the type that enjoys horror, I can tell you how to find this guy’s work.


Yes, please, do tell me how to find it.
I collect monstrously horrid bad prose.
Makes for good compost.