Once again it’s Cinco de Mayo and gaggles of gringos will belly up to the bar and order Margaritas or tequila shots until they are too drunk to walk. So, of course, they must drive. I think I’ll stay off the highways tonight.
I love an icy margarita, served in a stemmed glass large enough to double as temporary housing for a couple of gold fish. Salty and sweet and sour are my favorite tastes but why does straight tequila taste like industrial waste? Even high-end, limited production tequila like I splurged on last week. I’m now thinking that if the alcohol tastes so foul that I have to bite a lime just to flush the fossil fuel aftertaste from my mouth, maybe I should just buy better tasting booze.
A great Irish whiskey, a high end gin, something that makes the taste buds want to come out to play. Not not deliver a smack that makes them run for the panic room. Speaking of gin, you Brits really make some excellent stuff. My grandfather gave me an old glass martini pitcher, a bottle of Plymouth gin and a bottle of Noilly Prat dry vermouth and told me to learn how to make a good martini.
I said, “This vermouth should last forever because you’re just supposed to wave the bottle at the gin, right?” He glowered at me and said, “I’ve never wanted to punch you before.” He told me to forget everything I learned from James Bond about martini making or he’d cut me from his will. He threatened to bring his Glock in case he saw me shake instead of stir. He promised to aim for the glass but his hand isn’t steady so there is no guaranteed outcome.
So tonight it is Margaritas at home, made with tequila that sneers at other tequilas, super nachos of my own devising, and my homemade guacamole that is far better than even the Mexican restaurant that rolls up a cart and makes fresh guacamole at your elbow.
And later, of course, the martini practice must continue.
Dinner at nib’s? I’m in! I’ll bring the avocados! 
Katherine
“Stir, never shake: bruises the gin.” 
Mr. Bond makes his with vodka, anyway.
Katherine
I doubt there are more than half a dozen Brits that know what Cinco de Mayo is. I’m certainly not one of them (that is, I know what the words mean, but I have no idea why the day might be dangerous). So I don’t think there will be more than half a dozen Brits mixing cocktails just because it is 5th May. There will be tens of thousands of them swilling gallons of beer because it is Saturday – that is normal.
M.
Every Mexican and Tex-Mex outfit in the U.S. has cheap-as-water alcohol all day long. Basically. 
It means pretty much nothing. The US made it up to celebrate Mexican heritage and pride and to commemorate the cause of freedom after the civil war. In Mexico it is celebrated in Peubla in honor of the Battle of Peubla.
In reality. It is a “holiday” to kick off summer sales and beer sales. Most people think it is the Mexican Independence day but it is not. It was just about 4,000 mexicans kicking the ass out of 8,000 french in one battle at Peubla.
I wonder if the French celebrate it without knowing the history? Hmmmmm
Actually, I think Corona Brewing Company’s marketing department invented it. The US has plenty of beer-drinking excuses of our own without needing to borrow them from other countries.
Katherine
Good Point.
I can only think of seven:
- It’s Monday
- It’s Tuesday
- It’s Wednesday
- It’s Thursday
- It’s Friday
- It’s Saturday
- It’s Sunday
- It’s five-o’clock somewhere.
My original thinking was that when Cinco de Mayo falls on Sunday thru Thursday people moderate their drinking because most of them have to work the next day. Consequently, the highways & byways are safer to traverse. Fridays and Saturdays don’t impose the morning-hangover-at-work sanction. Mayhem ensues.
I’m getting closer to the perfect martini, however. I hope to succeed while maintaining a modicum of liver function. Damn! How much does this gin cost? I’m going to have to replace this.
Nib
Jaundice League of America
(9) you got dumped
(10) You finished a stressful project.
(11) You got fired.
(12) Your single and the pickings are slim
(13) It is football season. (America)
(14) It is football season (Soccer) Everywhere else.
(15) A wedding
(16) A funeral
(17) Anything ending in party and children are not the main focus
(18) Grilling out.
(19) flight just landed
etc…
Yes, to all of those (and more). In Jaysen’s defence, he didn’t say there were only seven, just that he could only think of seven (bless his headless sozzled heart).
to further my headless defense, I believe that my seven are inclusive of all other’s listed. There is no other list that would truly cover all conditions. believe me, I’ve thought this through.
Think about it.
<Off topic alert!> [size=50](Even after years of off-topic posting, I still feel a twinge of guilt)[/size]
Sadly, the logic fails. While “It is Saturday” may be a reason, it need not be; hence it does not cover all other reasons that may occur on a Saturday. And, even if Saturday was always a reason to drink, the marriage of a former partner, missing the flight to said marriage and being single with slim pickings (to misquote some other examples given) may all form additional, independent, reasons. Further, if the seven days of the week were the only reasons to drink, then alcohol consumption must be consistent across each day and week. If consumption varies, then additional reasons are required to explain the inconsistency.
Sometimes, I think too much… 
LIAR!!! Humperdink humperdink humperdink
Let us replace “reason” with “excuse” and then I win. Which is the only important thing here.
As you wish.