Do you believe this?

Could this be happening in a college near you? :open_mouth:
“Be afraid, be very afraid, these are answers given during exams by students who will, in the future, be running the country. Oh dear.”

“Monotony means being married to the same person for all your life.”
Use the word “judicious” in a sentence to show you understand its meaning - Hands that judicious can be as soft as your face…
How important are elections to a democratic society? - Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
What is Britain’s highest award for valour in war? Nelson’s Column
What’s a Hindu? It lays eggs
Name the four seasons Salt, mustard, pepper, vinegar
What changes happen to your body as you age? When you get old, so do your bowels and you get inter-continental
What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on? They’ll insist you’re well endowed if you’re buying a house
What is a co-operative? It’s a kind of shop that is not as dear as places like Marks and Spencer
What is artificial respiration commonly known as? The Kiss of Death
What are steroids? Things for keeping the carpet on the stairs
What is a common treatment for a badly bleeding nose? Circumcision
“I’ve said goodbye to my boyhood, now I’m looking forward to my adultery.”
“I always know when its time to get up when I hear my mother sharpening the toast.”
“Christians go on pilgrimage to Lord’s.”
“A major disease associated with smoking is premature death.”
“The equator is a menagerie lion running around the earth through Africa.”
“Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.”
“Cows produce large amounts of methane, so the problem could be solved by fitting them with catalytic converters.”
“The process of flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.”
“The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader”
“Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.”
“A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.”
“Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.”
“The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o and u.”
“Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.”
“Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.”
“Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.”
“Before giving a blood transfusion find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.”
“To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.”
“For a nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.”
“For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down to make Artificial Perspiration.”
“For Fainting: Rub the person’s chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.”
“To prevent contraception: wear a condominium.”
“For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.”
“To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow.”
“The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.”
“The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.”
“The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.”
“A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.”
“The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.”
“A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.”

Exam answers from actual nursing examination papers.
The lady was incontinent and the nurse was told to watch her passing urine.
The patient was put under the physiotherapist who came often.
I informed the patient she could get up when her legs go down.

Wow. I am afraid!

Although this one is pretty accurate, if you ask me:

shrug I like to take that as proof that not everybody is college material, no matter what you might hear from guidance counselors in American public high schools.

Are you saying the answers are wrong…


And just what is wrong with this answer? :smiling_imp:

Simple: if your marriage is monotonous, at least one of you is doing it wrong.

thholidays over and all the miscreants are returning from shore leave. It can only get worse :frowning:

Now I just KNOW that one’s been written by an English professor who’s taking the piss. The segues are just too witty, to knowingly uninformed. They’re wandering blissfully in non-sequitur space, and it takes brains and a grasp of language for that.

I guess taking this into account all firearms should read

“Do not point at face while loaded or sudden death may occur.”

I’d prefer “Please make sure to get your entire head in front of the shotgun.”

How about,

“Using a loaded shotgun as a beer funnel can lead to enlightenment.”


…seems like a couple of autoerotic-ish types have got on board :open_mouth:

I certainly dread becoming inter-continental.

Pouty Pink wrote:

You already are. You hit Scriv`s deck like 50 megaton ICBM. Reverberations are still being detected in the outermost reaches of the Cosmos. Mysterious fluctuations in Cosmic Background Radiation, were recorded on Nov14th 07. and are still being picked up today

Or…where’ve you been hiding then? Ahhhh! I know :slight_smile: you been practising behaving yourself. Well…why not? A new year …a new leaf… Yep! way to go!
Take care

And all this time I thought that explosion was the after effects of your (vic-k’s)



I didn’t eat THAT much over christmas!

I’ve missed you too Vic, but you know what it’s like. I’ve got three tv inputs into my Mac, I’ve still got about 3 months worth of recorded CSI, Criminals Minds, Scrubs, Numbers and Red Dwarf to watch before I get into January!

er, what was this topic about?

I miss the Red Dwarf that was on PBS (BBC) here. Now I don’t watch TV so I don’t know if you are talking about something else.

That and Monarch of the Glenn…

TV sucks here.

No offence (you’ll probably take offence!) but Monarch of the Glenn was THE most boring show I ever saw.

And I am pretty sure there can only be one red dwarf :slight_smile:

Until you consider that ALL we have here is CSI, Law and Order, etc. There is only so much stupid drama one can take.

As my other defense for liking MotG I point out the following:i enjoy wordy books. Follows that I would like less than action filled shows.
All the non southern accents I get here are Canadian (nothing wrong with that) or FAKE Brits.
The show reminded me of the days of the “old clan” that has passed on and the various Irish, Scottish, and Welsh accents (all as loaded with Jamie as vic-K).

At to Red Dwarf… the Mrs STILL thinks my longing for that show has more to do with repressed childhood memories than with a sincere appreciation of the humor. Being that “men are wrong by design” I will never win so I agree.

Vic-k, I need to borrow some memories.

In defense of Monarch of the Glen. (Note, not Glenn. A glen is a valley, usually shaped by glaciers.) The setting is Glenbogle, the source a series of novels by Compton McKenzie. The TV shows were romantic sit-coms that were amusing enough and the outdoor scenery was gorgeous. They made good use of it for Archie & Lexie’s wedding and Hector’s funeral. The pace slowed considerably by seasons 6 and 7, but still there were good episodes. I never once thought any were boring. I prefer dialogue and character over action and flash. The Brits have a knack for creating TV novels that drop us into a place and time and let us view other lives, over a long series.