If you are going to go, go BIG!
In Portland, it would all have to be handmade, whatever it was. I was at a pub the other night and they had up on the chalkboard, “Handmade slim-jims”, which should be fairly close to “Handmade pink slime”, though with mechanically separated chicken gristle instead of beef. The relish would have to be locally made by artisans, and definitely organic. Oh, and the “meat” would have to have at some point in its life been “free range” and “grain fed”. Not that it should matter that much when it comes to eating blended rectum, tendon, skin and cartilage.
I like that. When I die I want my headstone to read, “Handmade, free range, and grain fed.”