[waits patiently]
Interesting thread although it appears to have stalled.
FWIW, I’ll add the 1st paragraph of my novel although it’s only a 1st draft.
So, it’s been a year, but that year doesn’t count, right? And what a fine thread this is. So, a little belated commentary on Marc64’s opening lines—
You certainly create a vivid image for me with this. My mind is ready at this point for the scene to open up to me either by bringing on a character who has entered on this scene or perhaps by putting that character into action — though this seems the lesser of the two options, because you have me thinking this guy doesn’t do anything. It is interesting to see how that impression is made here, because it is not just that he isn’t doing anything. It is the contrast: his beard struggles, his buttons desperately try, but all he does is something perfectly passive, he sits.
Here are some line item comments (though heaven knows your 1st draft must be ancient history now):
That second string of words leading up to the second full stop is not a complete sentence, nor does it seem like a perceptual impression — and it is not clear at this point there is someone in the scene to own an impression. The fragment is readily made complete, though, so this is much to be recommended.
I think a grey wispy beard immediately suggests a long beard, but that is not what you want, so maybe ‘wispy’ is the wrong word here. It also seems too delicate for a face you compare to old leather. Speaking of which: this fellow does not present to me as a guy who would have a hard time growing a beard if he allowed it, so why does his beard struggle to cover his chin. I can see how it might barely cover his chin — that is merely descriptive, albeit with some editorial hint of inadequacy — but to say it struggles suggests he can’t manage it — which I don’t quite understand or can’t quite fit with the image you’re giving me of this guy. Maybe there is something I don’t understand about senior men’s beards?
One more: the line about the buttons is perhaps overly ornate for its value. I would simplify/streamline (e.g., see how gratuitous ‘seemingly’ is there).
Finally, I see we are in the present tense. Assuming your whole novel is not written in the present tense, I would say this paragraph (and opening scene) should likewise be put in the near-universal standard past tense. Veering from that norm of fiction/storytelling does not make this opening scene-moment more immersive or immediate.
All Best,
gr
Thanks gr for your feedback. It should be noted that this was 14 months ago and was right ant the beginning of my writing journey and I have learned a hell of a lot since then. This particular passage no longer exists. In fact, the whole premise of the novel no longer exists.
That said, the whole novel was going to be in the present tense as is my current WIP.
Interesting. It is a bold choice. And, yes, that was me trying to quietly make sure it was a conscious choice on your part — as it is something people starting out sometimes fall into without realizing that it is not the norm. I once had an exchange with a friend who was just starting out and writing in present tense. She was convinced that this was how the things she read were written, and was astounded to discover that none of the exemplars she pulled from the shelf were written that way. They were all written in past tense! I always remember this when I see present tense writing.
I do have my doubts about choosing present tense — which you may also have gleaned from my post. I know there is a whole trend out there, but I have yet to find myself facing any story narrative that would make present tense seem like the best choice. This may be a failure of imagination on my part, of course!
It seems to work (sell) for YA fiction. Which means we’re probably old-timers.
And I am not sure it is even fair to call it a trend anymore, its having grown so long now in the tooth.
I’ve read books in both past & present tense and I just feel more immersed in the story if it’s written in present tense, almost as if I’m there whilst it’s happening rather than just being told what’s already happening.
And yes, everything I’ve read in the present tense was definitely written in the present tense. 
And at 57, I’m not exactly a young adult lol
Well, maybe you’re a young spirit. 
I find it highly distracting, it feels too “in your face” (like in: oh look, the author wants me to see it through the eyes of character X!). Personal preference. I’m younger than you, but I grew up with books written in some variant of third person and mostly past tense.
Possibly. Remember, growing old is compulsory, growing up is not.
Me too. It’s only in recent years that I discovered books written in present tense. I actually avoiding reading such books at first but realised that I was missing out. Once I started reading them, I really began to enjoy that way of writing.
As you say, personal preference. 
First line of my WIP:
“There is someone in my room. Not only is there someone in my room, but they are in my bed, and they are distinctly female.”
And yes, I write in first person. It gives an immediate and very personal account. This WIP, uses two points of view.
There won’t be many men putting your book down at this point. Which makes it a damn good first line!
My first thought with an opening like that is that we are being invited to think a certain way so that in the next moment our expectations will be turned over somehow — as if the next line we would read might be “And definitely not human.”
Certainly the narrator is being cagey with us.
Carried upon chill winds, cackles of demented delight tore into the air sending shivers down the spine of Creation.
Way ramped up. Chills down my spine too. Reader put immediately on notice to be prepared for a wild ride.
I do note some tension in the image you create for us here. It is one thing for cackles to be carried on the wind, but something quite different for them to tear into the air. If nothing else there is an implicit difference in direction. Sound carried on the wind is both passive and lateral, sound (cackles) tearing into the air are active and vertical — broadcast up and out from their (presumptively earthbound) source.
For my money your opener reads well and completely just setting in at ‘Cackles…’ (If getting coldness in the line somewhere is important for what you want, the air can be frozen air or the shivers could be icy.)
Thank you. I chose cackles and shivers as the cackles are meant to unnerve… and itis so unnerving that Creation itself is “discomforted.”
So true. When I came to Creation with a capital C, those shivers got huge.
I hope I am not too late for this party.
The opening quotation :
"Agape: n. A love for someone to such a degree that you place their needs above your own, even if you do not benefit from it or even suffer because of it. It is considered the highest and purest form of love.
It is also the most agonizing."
And the actual opening line:
“There is blood in his mouth.”
not too late, but these days the forum is not as much about writing as it is about -a- a piece of software -b- people showing off how much they know about the software.
hopefully someone will respond if i bump the thread.
as for me…
{patiently waits for the appropriate incantations of informed consent}
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