How to be successful

In order to be successful we should know what success is. Some people think that they will be successful when they get rich. After years of striving they acquire a lot of money only to discover that they or not happy. Some people think that fame will do it, but they discover that’s not it either. True success is not equal to money or fame. But what is it then, and when can we say that we are successful?

When you lead the life you want to lead.

Yes, that’s right. if you really enjoy your life, then you are successful. So the question to ask yourself is: Am I really enjoying my life? If yes, then you are successful, if not, then ask yourself: What can I change in order to really enjoy myself. But beware that the enjoyment must be a genuine, long term one, and not just a quick fix.

I asked my Dad this question once, and he gave a very good answer:

I can’t tell you what path to take, but if you find a life in which you don’t watch the clock, and in fact don’t know exactly what time it is, you’ve probably found success and happiness.

That’s certainly true for me. I’m late to just about every appointment!

How to be successful.

Learn from your failures. Apply that knowledge where necessary. A mistake is only a complete failure if you learn nothing from it.

Learn forgiveness. It is not forgiving someone else that leads to success but rather when you can forgive yourself when you fail. Only then can you move forward.

Learn methods of succeeding that causes as little negative impact on others. Methods that help others exceed as well many times offer better opportunities and may offer more options in the future.

Take responsibility for your own actions. In doing so you can address the problem and fix it. If you spend all your time blaming someone else then you are dependent on them to fix the problem for you.

Have a hard skin towards criticism but an open ear. Only then can you work towards improving yourself.

Don’t lie to yourself. Lie to other people if you have to but never lie to yourself. It solves nothing. Avoid lying as much as possible. Lying can damage the weight of your word.

Keep your word to the best of your ability. In life we have nothing but our word. If your word is no good then your options are very limited. Never give your word lightly. Never back out on your word needlessly.

How will you know when you are successful?

Easy. You will just know. You will not need confirmation from anyone. You will feel it and have no doubt. UNtil you feel that 100% you are not truly successful but rather on the path to success.

Many people think of things like getting a new job, getting in shape, loosing weight, and so on will increase their enjoyment of life. These are outer changes and they do count, but only 20% or so (your mileage may vary). The other 80% has to do with inner changes, just like Wock points out. It’s your inner changes that will make you enjoy your life more than anything else. For instance learning how to handle fear and anxiety will add tremendously to enjoyment of life.

Let’s say that you hear that a wicked person has been spreading lies about you. And suppose that you are a very sensitive person, who cares deeply about what others think about you. The news makes you devastated. You enjoyment factor sinks below zero. What can you do right now that will increase your enjoyment?"

Reach the realisation that the wicked person who is spreading the lies about you is still preferrable to those who think they have a right to lecture others on how to enjoy their lives?

I wish someone would give me a few tips I can actually get my head around :blush: :frowning:
vic

I am convinced that success only measured by the answer to one question:

Your answer to this question will match your answer to “Am I successful?”

Sometimes I wonder if we make all this too hard. Life really is pretty simple if you allow it to be so

There are several things you could do. One is to realize that when people are telling mean things about you it’s seldom because they are evil. More often then not, they are very unhappy people, who have low self confidence. When they see somebody doing something constructively they get frustrated because their ego-self gets threatened. They try to hide their failure and raise their ego-self by attacking other people. But their smearing can only get foothold with other people who themselves are unhappy and unsuccessful and who enjoy hearing that there might be some other person who is even worse off than they are. With successful people, they don’t come very far. A successful person when he hears somebody speak badly about somebody else thinks: “Now he is telling me how bad this person is. What will he tell others about me, when I’m not present?”. In other words, your perceived damage is not as big as you think. People whose opinion or company you don’t value anyhow might listen to this wicked person, but people who are confident in themselves will judge him instead of you.

And even if these wicked people win a battle, which sometimes can happen, they will lose the war, that’s certain. Look around you and see for yourself. What happens to liars, rumor makers and stuck-up fellows in the long run. From presidents to your next door neighbor. They fall and their lies are exposed and they end up more miserable than ever.

An important point to remember is that unjust criticism is more often than not a disguised compliment. The person who criticizes you has observed that you have done something that others have noticed. By criticizing you he hopes that some of the spotlight aimed at you will be redirected at him. So you will find many criticizing Madonna, but few criticizing Noah Buddy.

Remember that you can’t keep wicked people from criticizing you, nor is it worth the effort. But you can do something much more important. You can determine if you well let their unjust criticism disturb you.

Ah, those unhappy people with low self confidence, poor things!

Another thing unhappy people with low self confidence might do is post messages to Internet forums lecturing others how they might “improve” their lives.

Just a thought…

Then… everyone considers himself as successful.Try it: You won’t find anyone who says “I would change this or that”.

Because now you know the outcome - and then you would not!

I experiment sometimes with a slightly different question:

"If I’d give you a special mobile phone - one with which you would be able to phone yourself in the past - you don’t type a number, you’d type a date and a time - when would you call yourself? And what would you say?"

Very interesting what people say. For several minutes, they think about the course of their lives and where to influence it… but everybody I ever asked this questions ended up at “I would not try to change anything”. Because you don’t now, it might very well end up worse than it is!

Usually the person seems to be quite a lot happier with itself afterwards. A five-minute-therapie for instant happiness, maybe.

Funny how the gist of this thread seems to have gone from seeking success, to something were all capable of: trying to fool ourselves by attempting to fool others. Oft times were actually erecting a facade made of glass; transparent and brittle.

Strange to relate, two very sad and unhappy cases have been popping in and out of my mind all day. Since last night in fact. Both of them are women. Very sad and lonely looking, the pair of them. Ironically, one of them caused me to damn near wet myself laughing.

Im just wondering if either of them sought solace in self-delusion. I dont think they did, but I could be wrong.

It`s a faux-funny old World
Take care
vic

In my opinion, these two conditions are extremely closely related—and in fact are in good portion the same phenomena.

Of course they are. They`re conjoined facets of human frailty.
Take care
vic

Then… everyone considers himself as successful.Try it: You won’t find anyone who says “I would change this or that”.

Because now you know the outcome - and then you would not!

I’m not sure that I agree. But then I always decline Jaysen’s question, on the grounds that if I could go back to any point in my life, I would be who I was then, with the knowledge I had then, and that I couldn’t go back and yet know what I know now. Being the same person as I was, I would make the same decisions.

And also I see this in the terms that Edward Lorenz used in countering von Neumann’s plan to control the weather … that if you change something in that way, you don’t know what it would have been, and it might have been better than what you change it to.

I sometimes think about all my failures, all the opportunities I have missed because I often have problems really understanding what’s going on or the rights of the situation, misreading what I’ve been sent. But then I say to myself, "If I had understood that that was a personal letter to me saying that I should try again the next year, not a general letter saying ‘Thank you but no thanks’ " I would have ended up in what at the time would have been far better circumstances and we would probably have been much better off financially … but then I wouldn’t be here, wouldn’t have the wonderful friends I have here, wouldn’t have met the many interesting people I have met during my life … so I really don’t have anything to regret.

Am I happy? I don’t know. Am I fulfilled? Mostly … My current situation provides me with the circumstances that allow me to do that which makes me value myself. That I reckon comes near to being successful.

Mark

What I’m about to say now is my personal belief. I do not ask you to believe it. I have not any proof of it, other then what I’ve read in some books and some experience from my own life.

There is only one way to really enjoy life. And that is to make an inner transformation from the life dominated by your ego-self to a life dominated by your true self. In metaphorical terms you have to be born again. Jesus was born by a virgin, Buddha was born from the left side of his mother at the hearts level. Of course they were not born this way, this is just a metaphor that they were born a second time, this time a spiritual birth.

Is this transformation easy to make? No, you’re ego self will fight fiercely, because it knows that the transition means it’s death. The first lie it will tell you is that the ego self is all there is and all this talk about a true self is just mumbo jumbo. Is it achievable? Yes. Do you need to believe in God are be religious? No. Have you achieved this state personally. No, this is only something I have had glimpses of (maybe you have experienced it also sometimes on the Christmas Eve when you were together with your dear ones, or at a funeral or maybe when rowing alone on a quiet lake). Before you make the transition life’s a bitch, no matter how much your ego-self is denying the fact. After transformation “Life really is pretty simple” as Jaysen says. And “pretty enjoyable” I would add.

Is that a bit like reconciling one`s wants, with ones needs? :confused:
Take care
vic

I’m not quite sure I understand your remark
What do I want: An enjoyable life
What do I need: An enjoyable life
What exactly is there to reconcile?

Take care
Bob

I don’t really understand the apparent distinction between “ego self” and “true self”. Do people really have a problem in reconciling these?

Surely the real clash comes between being yourself and trying to be the person that other people want you to be? For example, suppose your mother wants you to be a rich, successful brain surgeon… you try your best, in the hope of pleasing her… How is that “ego”? It’s more or less the exact opposite, because you are suppressing your own needs to fulfill those of someone else. Ego is doing what is best for you, without regard for the effect on others.

Isn’t it external pressure and conditioning by society, religion and self-help books that makes us think we ought to be serene, self-controlled people, anyway? Suppose you are a miserable, mean-minded, cynical old grump by nature… your true self wants to snarl at everyone, but you make a conscious effort to be override this response and be pleasant and balanced instead… Isn’t it your ego that makes you behave better, against your true inclinations, because your ego is conditioned to think that the alternative behaviour is preferable, and because your ego wants other people to think better of you?