Karate Kid, catching flies

you need to be in this house when a fly, for whatever misguided reason, enters.

Female human: "There’safly!There’safly!There’safly!There’safly! Gerritout!Gerritout!Gerritout!Gerritout!

Vic-k: His eyes glaze over. He’s possibly considering all the options open to him. There aren’t many…truly. He’ll reach for, and roll up a copy of, The Guardian (Paper of the Year (again) and Fly Killer Extraordinaire), and go to swat the fly.

Female human: "Don’tkillit!Don’tkillitDon’tkillit!!Don’tkillit!

Vic-k: After staring into the middle distance for a suitable number of, long, seconds, he unrolls the Guardian and places it back onto the table. He turns to, and confronts the fly, proffering up it’s meagre options.
“Y’see, fly, it’s like this. Either…you go now, and possibly live a very long and productive life. Or, you choose to stay, in which case you’ll definitely live a very short, unproductive one. The choice is yours.”

Female human: “Think y’re bein’ funny, don’t y’!Don’ty’!Don’t y eh!Don’t y’”
Vic-k: “No. I’m just being diplomatic, as well as attempting to extend the life of one of, God’s little creatures.”

This is usually the time the fly becomes airborne again.
Female human: “Gerritout!Gerritout!Gerritout!Gerritout!..”

Fluff :unamused:

I have to give my husband top points for taking on a fishing spider, which is a giant, GIANT, creature. I’m not too terribly arachnophobic, but this one was, literally, the size of my PALM. We’d just moved in and this thing was hanging around in the basement/rec area where I have my desk. (Of course.) I ran to The Internets to confirm how deadly it was (it isn’t), and calmly and gently and lovingly asked, let’s call him M. Chevalier de Ni, to escort the thing to its natural habitat.

He did.

The thing FISHES!!! (Not M. de Ni, the spider does.)

DO NOT look at this http://ento.psu.edu/extension/factsheets/fishing-spider if you’re arachnophobic, picture’s right at the top.

About five years back, I discovered a garden spider’s web at the front of the house, like this one. It was al almost 4ft in diameter and covered in dew. A truly beautiful sight. Gradually as the sun moved around the side of the house, to the front, the changing angle of sunlight created a constantly changing spectacular geometrical spectacle.
Then disaster struck. A tiny, tiny money spider, landed on the edge of the web, on one of the main lateral web spars. Spiders must have some kind of solvent they can secrete to free themselves from other webs.

Whatever it did, the lateral strand of web snapped, and gradually, one after the other followed suite. I was almost in tears, watching. I’d spent about six hours marvelling at the changing beauty of it. Within 20 secs it was a wreck.

My daughters have no self control around spiders. They loses the plot altogether, shrieking imbecilic wrecks.

My wife has no problem with them. As the mousehound has already pointed out, her thing is,‘Flies’.
BLUEBOTTLES!!(blowflies), you,ve never heard anything like the nonsense I have to put up with!

As for jumping spiders, I love the little feckers, they’re dead cute. Our bottom patio table and chairs are full of 'em.

BUT the worst thing of all…is…this year, for the first time ever, since we moved into this house, over fifteen years ago. we’re now finding EARWIGS, all over. My wife DETESTS/HATES/DESPISES them with a force of conviction that is… scary…really scary!! :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: hehehehehe!!
Ange's favourite.jpg

The “real” fly catching dude


If y’ do, you’ll be thrown overboard, and then you’ll have to cope with these. Never go back and edit stuff. Unless of course, you can add something to spice it up a bit :smiling_imp: :wink: 8)I’ve still got bellyache from laughing!! :laughing:

If you think your outburst was bad, you should hear the mousehound, when I let her into the house, after I’ve forgotten she was outside, especially when it’s raining or cold! :open_mouth:
So don’t f’get curse y’ little head off, as much as you want. :wink: If anyone says anything to about it, just tell 'em, Amber V and KB said it was OK.
Linny's Favourite.jpg

Yes, well, um, ‘calm, gentle, loving’ was a euphemism. I doubt you offended anyone, Linny, 'cept maybe the spiders. Imagine these poor buddhist monks trying to gentle away stinging red ants: http://www.cbc.ca/consumer/comm-oddities/2007/03/stinging-ants-test-buddhist-monks-faith.html

Hey, Obama can give the Shao-Lin fly-fighter a run: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rbUH_iVjYw (Not surprisingly, it’s striking to see how much more relaxed he was then.) I suppose if things don’t work out, he’s got a fallback.

Earwigs. Thanks for sharing the picture, sweet Vic. “Hmm, that’s nice,” as kid said.

I thought that story was great. Until the end.
He kept them? :open_mouth:
All? :open_mouth:
In a huge plastic bag? :open_mouth:
And then poured them onto his desk? :open_mouth:

I started like this: :smiley:
but ended… :mrgreen:
(that’s a grimace, not a grin - I’ll be off my food for a week!)

Being here in the Asian sub-tropics — actually almost exactly on the Tropic of Cancer — I have spider stories that would drive LinnyP into an early grave … but I actually like spiders and generally talk to them. But I’m afraid the latest, clearly a child of Ungoliant this one, like a shadow moving around my living room … well when she — in spider-world you only get to be that big if you’re a she! — sealed her fate when she seemed to decide that one of my shoes would make the perfect refuge!

I did feel sad though … but when it comes to giant cockroaches!!!


P.S. Would you believe, my ultimate phobia is actually stick insects and jungle nymphs! Spiders, rats, mice and snakes, no problem … jungle nymph … <aaarrgghh!>

Mr mark, I was under the impression it was Scrivener Low Life from the lower decks :frowning: Ah well. Hope you like:

@Fluff, I’d love to watch that, but as I am behind the Great Firewall of China, where Youtube is not accessible …

@LinnyP, I’m afraid you get me wrong … let me give you an example of a Mark + large arachnid conversation. There I was late one evening, sitting in … shall we say the one situation in which getting up and moving away quickly is not really feasible … when I notice something on the floor of the bathroom, creeping round the end of the bath … I look … yes, 1.5" body, 5" spread of legs, beautiful black and gold markings.

“Oh, hello,” says Mark. “I didn’t know you were here. But look, I think you’re really beautiful and I admire you immensely, but you see this is my flat, where I live, and I don’t think I want to share it. On the other hand, you are beautiful, and you don’t get to be that big easily, so I don’t want to hurt you. So, I hope you don’t mind, but I’d really prefer it if you found somewhere else to go and live. Well, I’m going to leave now. I’ll be back in the morning — so would you mind? — I do think it’d be better for both of us if you found your new home before I come back.” Next morning she was gone … I hope not into a neighbours flat, 'cos they would just have killed her.

The problem with daughter of Ungoliant was that she clearly was not in the business of moving on to find somewhere else to live, but thought that one of the shoes that I was going to be putting on in the morning — by when I would probably have forgotten about her — was an ideal home. That I couldn’t have. And she wasn’t beautiful … all black, hairy, and like a shadow … just like her ancestor.

As for stick insects and jungle nymphs, the thing that gives me the creeps about them is that they spend their lives not moving, pretending to be something else, and thereby making themselves somewhat invisible. <shudder!>


Episode 1 took place in about 2003 in my then flat …

Daughter of Ungoliant was four days ago in current flat in a totally different part of town about 5 miles apart.

They would not have known each other, were unlikely to be related except in both being spiders, and if they had met they would probably have fought, I imagine. If they had, I would think “Black-and-gold” would have won, being as she was bigger, but DoU was decidedly evil looking, so you never know!


Edit: Oh and it was wanting to live in my shoe that was the clincher with DoU. “Black-and-Gold” showed no such bad intentions.