Here is a piece I have written, revised, and presented several times: The Liturgy of S§orts.
It seems a little more like a sermon than a piece of writing. Of course it is a written text and as such it cannot be denied that it is writing, but nonetheless to my eyes the writing is secondary to the underlying message it is conveying. This is not so much a criticism as an observation.
Also, one thing jumped out at me:
Then comes the surprise: God says, “I forgive you all your sins for the sake of My Son, the Star of the game.” With that, we are invited to play in God’s game with God’s rules, with God’s victory already assured!
A game where the victor is assured? Where is the point in that? On this section I think the analogy doesn’t apply at all. After all, a ‘fixed’ game (where the outcome is determined before the event) is a corrupt game.
Sounds like every aspect of life actually. You can’t win at life. In the end you are dead. Maybe the analogy holds given the subject matter.
As to your assessment of the writing, exegete77 has stated previously that he is a pastor/priest (sorry exegete, can’t remember which denomination). You are dead on.
Yes, it was originally a sermon. The actual writing was about triple the length, but for that web site, I was asked to edit it to close to 500 words - didn’t make, though (~730). In one sense, I am glad you could sense that it was a sermon. It achieved what I wanted - for the ear, more than the eye.
I have found that writing which tries to capture an oral presentation is difficult. Most well published theologians/pastors have multiple researchers and writers. Seldom do I write out sermons, just a brief outline (on 3x5 card) if anything. I have the ability to organize mentally how and what I want to say.
As seminary professor when I teach student pastors, I ask them to develop both an outline and a written text. Once they can do that they I move them to develop a detailed outline (post writing), then to short outlines. Typically when they preach every week, most students require 2-3 years to develop the habit of writing/outlining specifically to be read orally.
I do write non-oral documents as well. But most of them are not meant for a general audience, so I don’t post those