Fearful for your well being, I`ve made one or two discrete enquiries, apropos you presenting yourself at the RED LION hostelry, in anticipation of the offer of hospitality, friendship, uninhibited bonhomous interaction twixt your good self and the, clientele (for want of a better expression) therein. As I feared, the word on the street in not encouraging.
According to the local feral tom, who regularly drops by (chancing his arm in the vain hope of an erotic interlude), his contact, the Red`s mouser, informs him thus:
On arrival at the RED, you are honour bound to deposit all weaponry (firearms and knives), in the cloakroom.
Having entered, you will be accosted by two hookers, one female, one male in drag, both, in their mid 60s. All but impossible to distinguish twixt one and the other, apparently.
Having declined their offers, you will more than likely be accosted by an unsavoury looking individual, offering to sell you all manner of narcotic/hallucinogenic substances. Should you be tempted to avail yourself of his merchandise, be warned, what ever the name on the little packets, they will contain, nothing more adventurous, than dried grass cuttings from the RED`s Crown Green Bowling green.
Invariably, new faces at the bar, attract the attention of individuals, for whom fate has dealt a cruel and dastardly blow. However, Eddy, you can rest assured, that the pint they would entreat you to buy them, as they themselves will point out, contains all the necessary prerequisites and wherewithal, to re-imbue their miserable existence, with its former equilibrium.
What will not occur, however, is the opportunity to refuse the offer of a pint, from a member of the aforementioned clientele. Best not to hold ones breath, whilst waiting for the offer to materialise. It wont!
Take care
Fluff
P.S. You do realise that you two, are off-topicking, like a pair of recalcitrant recidivists.