Some things you should NEVER do.

(1) Fry Chicken in the nude.
(2) Blow dry your hair in the shower while the water is on.
(3) Eat Mexican Food before going on a long romantic retreat under the covers.
(4) Tell your wife she looks fat in ANYTHING.
(5) Never wear a Speedo if you can’t see past your belly button.
(6) Put you hand in the garbage disposal while arguing with your wife when she is standing next to the switch.
(7) Look down the barrel of a loaded gun while your finger is on the trigger.
(8) Change a light fixture (wiring) while the electricity is on.
(9) Argue with the only person holding the gun.
(10) Point a soft drink at your eye while opening.
(11) Dance naked in front of your pets.
(12) Hit on your wife’s sister
(13) Ask a man if he is lost. He will always lie.
(14) Feed a baby chilli
(15) Feed a dog chocolate
(16) Feed a cat hallucinogens
(17) Feed a rabbit carrots soaked in vodka
(18) Never berate someone BEFORE they prepare your food.
(19) Don’t run out of toilet paper when you suffer from the flu.
(20) forget to back up your work.
(21) Take the tag off your mattress.
(22) never trust tinfoil to block the government from listening to your thoughts.
(23) never trust someone wearing tinfoil on their head.

  1. Hold a chicken in the air.
  2. Stick a deck-chair up your nose.
  3. Buy a jumbo jet.
  4. Bury all your clothes.
  5. Paint your left knee green.
  6. Extract your wisdom teeth.
  7. Form a string quartet.
  8. Pretend your name is…


Ha ha" :smiley:


(32) Drink Cheap Beer the night before a long road trip.
(33) Get into a car that has leather seats in the middle of summer wearing nothing but a smile.
(34) Burp a national anthem
(35) Hug an angry porcupine.
(36) Not call 911 when your drink friend says “Hey beau watch this!”.

No wonder you don`t like it when people call you Kevin! It makes you sound like a software developer. :open_mouth:

Wocks suffering from boredom again tch! tch!. Whens the next Election?

Everyone needs,

just a little tenderness! Look how cute. You know she wants a hug.

  1. Jump off of a cliff intending to catch the edge like they do in the movies.
  2. Deep-fry a partially thawed turkey.
  3. Become a Scientologist.
  4. Pack a Koran and a car battery in the same suit-case and try to fly to the U.S.
  5. Attempt to escape an angry driver by running straight.
  6. Try to see if you could theoretically break your thumb “for reals”.
  7. Try to rob a liquor store through the roof. Without a ladder. Drunk.

One of my favorite websites is devoted to exactly this subject.


  1. Post entries in forums listing the things one should never do.
  2. Read the lists mentioned on #44.

(51) Skip numeracy classes.
(53) Rub chilli paste in your pants before putting on.
(49) Make a collection of your toenail clippings.
(53) Publicly display your toenail clipping collection.
(54) Promote your bare posterior as a bicycle stand.
(47) Tell a homicidal axe maniac his breath stinks.
(52) Accept a neck massage off a vulcan.
(50) Eat chewing gum found stuck under seats.
(46) Use cat litter as a muesli replacement.
(48) Tell a policewoman you’d be happy to give her your swollen goods.

(498) Ask a gorilla to make change for your $1000 bill
(499) Ride a bicycle without a saddle
(500) Attend a hockey game with a squirrel
(501) Listen to Brittany Spears
(502) (If you’re from the U.S.) Vote Republican
(503) Make political comments like #502 in an open, nonpolitical forum
(504) Question Amber’s technical acumen
(505) Sing “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” at a job interview
(506) Visit an army recruiting station drunk and immediately after your girlfriend dumps you
(507) Walk the streets of Bahgdad with a Bush/Chenney campaign button on your lapel
(508) Laugh out loud when your new Organic Chemistry professor enters the classroom
(509) Tatoo your ATM PIN code on the back of your hand
(510) Drop 5000 Alka Seltzer tablets into the jacuzzi
(511) Answer the personal ad of someone using the alias “Needy Bitch”
(512) Set up your tent at a weasel convention
(513) Include the word “embezzlement” on your resume
(514) Carry lighter fluid to a meeting of Pyromaniacs Anonymous
(515) Start creating a list of things you should NEVER do, because it is kind of addicting and you have work to do

(a) Spike the coffee with shine at an AA meeting.
(b) dress up like a grand wizard for the KKK on halloween night and go trick or treating in Harlem.
© Drive you car/truck backward through a busy fast food drive through on a saturday night.
(d) put a prescription bottle with the letters GHB written on the front on the bar at a singles club.
(e) syphon gas while lighting a cigarette.
(f) Wear knee pads to a gay bar.
(g) Never say the word “Farfignuggen” at the sight of a traumatic automobile crash

504 is the only one in this list that really matters.

Did you mean 504? If so, agreed!

I don’t know I am kinda partial to 35 (Nice pic Amber!)

Dang it! Yes. %04. %04. Edit shall begin now.


0x00) sudo rm -rfP /
0xFF) Type in your password.


How long do you think it will be before we hear from vic-k again? You know your words are gospel to him.

Depends on how long it takes for him to get the second leg fitted?

  1. Kill without a licence. If target is in U.S., also be sure you have a license.

401k) Gamble your retirement on the stock market.

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