Thanks all for the great conversation!
As for how to handle students, I do use the word no. I learned many years ago that befriending is not the same as leading. (As Druid pointed out.) As for Wock’s suggestion that I make a lesson of the student who emailed me at 2 AM and 5 AM, I had to laugh because that is exactly what I did before having ITS prohibit pinging profs. I did put the two offending email up on screen and reviewed with the class why this was not the way to approach one’s prof. There were 180+ students in that section so I hope it helped!
I also have a sign that states: Failure to plan on your part, does not constitute an emergency on my part.
However, I really wish I had ahab’s death ray. That would be so cool.
One additional gripe I have stems from being female. When a male colleague tells a Dean “no” – say during a meeting – the Dean says nothing. However, when I or another female say “no” we are ALWAYS challenged as to WHY we are unavailable. Even before getting the tenure nod, I did not put up with this horse hockey. I did not reply but instead asked the offending Dean (or Provost) why it was that the females were asked this question and not the males. The implication being that all the women had a pressing pedicure appointment while the men had a “serious” event to go to. The Dean or Provost would become uncomfortable and the conversation ended there.
Many of my female colleagues would not do this for fear of being denied tenure. I had a different view. If this is what it took to be a tenured faculty member, I didn’t want it. However, I was a high school science teacher and Dept. head before going back to obtain my Ph.D. So, I was older and had already given up tenure once to move to the University level. Even having profited twice with tenure, I am still against it as too many of my colleagues abuse the system. (Another topic for another latte evening.)
Upshot on this conversation:
I have found that it is the physical impediments that save me the most (i.e. like flow’s suggestion of hiding in a different office). Everyone knows about turning off the ringer on the phone but I have to put a stick’em/post-it note over the blinking light or my curiosity always gets the better of me. (It used to be guilt too but that wore out about three years ago.)
I really like that Jaysen knows the importance of protecting one’s people. (Not having a head to lose might have something to do with it.) My Ph.D. advisor once called me at home and told me that I was very sick and needed to stay in bed ALL day. I asked why and he said that the dept. head was looking for someone to cover a class and that he wanted me to do it. Needless to say, I fell ill immediately and made sure to look pale the rest of the week. But again… NOT being there is what saved me.
However, I do have trouble with email. I need to be able to send items OUT so I can’t help but see the items that are coming IN. I haven’t quite tamed that beast yet. Suggestions welcome.
Obviously, it all comes down to priorities. However, some days, you will have more than you can do and you will have to disappoint someone. I have trouble doing that. Oh… I can disappoint people initially… no problem… then I use up valuable brain space feeling guilty about it. Suggestions?
We all have needy relatives. Again, physical space seems to help. According to a study… don’t have time to cite this one… U.S. women now actually spend more time with their children than their mothers but experience more guilt when they are away. Can’t win for losing!
Again, thanks all and in the future, if you come upon and new and effective strategy, please share!!
Apollo16