Style Dictionary?

theoatmeal.com/comics/cats_actually_kill

Oh dear dear,dear. May the saints preserve you.

highlights the way we deal with riff-raffy intruders onto our patch. My previous post refers to the way we dispatch…err…a different species of…animal…if they forget their place.

DO! Take care
Fluff

Are there no dogs on here to keep these felines in order?

Sadly no. Well, there is one, in Australia, but his half-hearted attempts at feline suppression are met with cold derision by the furballs concerned. Their various meanderings around this forum is something we have, albeit reluctantly, had to learn to live with. Actually, one of them is really quite articulate. The other is fixated…on territorial scenting…the lower decks are best avoided.

Woof woof woof! Grrrrrrrrrr! Woof!

Happy now?

Really, despite the cartoons, very few dogs actually chase cats and it’s usually our, how do I say this politely, more cognitively challenged cousins that do the chasing. It’s only when strange cats invade our territory and threaten our family (including, but not limited to, people, birds, possums, plants, food bowls, furniture, children, garden gnomes, cars, fences, cushions, garden beds, and even the cats we live with) that we deign to give them a warning bark and run them off the premises.

So, in the current circumstances, what’s the actual risk? A cat idly threatening to eviscerate people, from a distance, via the internet, doesn’t rate highly on a dog’s alarm system. That’s just what cat’s call “harmless fun” (see the Oatmeal documentary posted by Pigfender for examples of their “regular fun”). Thinking about blood is actually more fun for cats than actual blood because it doesn’t involve moving out of the warm sunny spot near the window. There’s no actual invasion here, just the joy of imagination.

As for “cold derision”, you don’t understand cats. Derision, cold or otherwise, is an example of feline affection. Cats are proud. Very, very, proud. They will never admit to liking, let alone needing, anybody even in emergency situations (not including, of course, terrible events like an ambulance going past with sirens wailing, thunderstorms, or someone knocking loudly on the front door - in those frightening and horrific circumstances they may accept comfort and aid*). Cats show their affection by either (a) ignoring you or (b) trying to get you to pleasure them**. Of course, they also do the same for people they despise, but it’s the way they do it that matters (I can see why this is confusing for humans). The other way they show their affection is by not attempting to kill you even as they rip the skin from your arm because you were not pleasuring them the way they wanted.

So, in summary: cats are simple, loving*** creatures that show their affection through disdain. So I’ve got better things to do than chase my feline friends online for displaying their affection. It’s sunny outside and the possums have been at the grapevine again. Duty calls****.

[size=85]* or, eventually, food if they’re still hiding on top of the wardrobe
** you don’t really think chin scratches and belly rubs are about relaxation do you?
*** admittedly, they love blood. But so do dogs, so I’m not one to judge
**** that’s the difference between cats and dogs[/size]

Listen smart arse, are we forgettin’ that a human is is in eviscerating distance of those claws :open_mouth: So! Keep y’ big fat gobs shut…both of y’…you and the mutt :imp:

Vulnerable vic

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/a_fine_whine/2013/05/i_hate_dogs_they_re_lounging_in_our_offices_and_licking_us_at_our_cafes.html

But you are the opener of the cat food. You may lose some skin, even bleed a little (perhaps more, but you do live with a cat, so you should be used to that by now), so you are (probably) safe from evisceration. As long as no-one else will feed the cat.

If someone else will feed the cat then, well, it will take a long time for those pretty little kitty claws to eviscerate you, and kitty will be hungry long before then and probably want to eat, have a nap and come back to finish it’s fun later. This could go on for weeks, if not months, which is plenty of time to put protective gear (like, for example, a woollen jumper) or devise some life saving techniques (like, for example, buying a kitty toy). Just be grateful it’s house cat and not a tiger.

And finally, we both know that what I say is not going to matter a jot; a cat cares not for the opinions of a dog on the other side of the world. Keep opening the kitty food and remember: the kitty’s disdain is an act of kitty love. Then again, evisceration may be too. Cats are like that.

Thank you for bringing this important information to everyone’s attention. I quote from the article linked above:

And the dogs in the photo to illustrate that point? Westies!

I rest my case.

GOOD!!!

That was indeed an accurate quote. It should be noted, however, that in context, the writer spoke of dogs’ dominion in approximatey the same tone he’d have written about dominion of the Dark Force. Or perhaps Yahoos.

He reports on what happens when an acquaintance comes to your home, your office, your garden party, with his dog, and said dog begins climbing your furniture, rubbing against your leg, licking your children’s faces.

I have no objection to you keeping your dog. In fact, I insist upon it.

ps