The vic-k club

Mr K,

I believe we should consider an additional segment of the scivener crew. While we are founding members of the +3, I would like to nominate you as the chairman of the HAW. I would also request admission into the HAW based on the attached evidence.

This activity

Led to this

And this

My assembled submission looks like this during the daytime

But at night things get more interesting

Basic tensile and torsion testing says I didn’t embarrass myself too bad, but I know I am still a novice.

What do you say? Can I have member number 0002?

HAW = Honourable Association of Welders?

Not per vic-k’s normal description of the association… :wink:

I see the photographic evidence for the “-W” part. Further, because I happen to remember vic-k’s normal description, I am most grateful you did not supply the photographic evidence for the “HA-” part!

Whether this omission supports or hinders your application, only the venerable one himself can decide.

I’m concerned my omission may hamper acceptance of my application. Let’s hope His K-dom is in a generous mood and chooses to not require further evidence of HA.

Well… actually, it does… sorry, plus, of course, the annual membership fee, of £300, or in funny monopoly money $510

Bearing in mind, that I haven’t just got off the boat, totally bereft of wit, how the hell do we know who’s doing the welding. Could be: Colleen; a neighbor; the guy in the local car body repair shop; or even Michelle LaVaughn Robinson Obama. Also, all welds have to be bombed (x-rayed), and conform to the relevant API ASME standard. Naturally, all welds have to be destruction tested, too. Certificated evidence of the aforementioned, along with photographic proof of your Posterious’s Hirsuitness, plus the Membership fee (non-returnable), could… I stress!! could… qualify you for consideration, but does not by any means guarantee acceptance into the Ancient & Noble…

Vic-k Grand Master

I think the illustrious order has rights to all the afore-mentioned proofs.

I do believe the destruction and bomb testing of the welds may be a tad difficult at this point. I have a nagging feeling that the collateral damage may exceed the allowable limits. Even for luminaries such as the grand master…

As to the “who”… Allow me to ask a hopefully illuminating question: would anyone other than your’s truly be caught, on camera, with that awful coat on? I know there are issues with the use of a helmet over the stump, but they do not make “neck only” welding protection…

I am formulating a plan to rob the Monopoly bank. I’m hoping to avoid significant collateral damage, but the race car may get damaged in the getaway. I do think the wheel barrel with help with transporting such a huge sum, but I fear the dog may be a problem. The iron and thimble only pose an issues if grandma rises from her grave to chastise me.

I shall keep the admissions committee informed of my application status.

Could the membership of the forum possibly cope with this? (I’m thinking of those of a nervous disposition here.)

I’m sure they will need counseling. Luckily, nom is here. Hopefully he would be unaffected. Granted an unaffected nom should be cause for concern…

Foul! The submitted photographs are obviously faked. The welder purporting to be Jaysen…has a head. :open_mouth:

Juddbert, allow me to repeat myself…

pay close attention here…

Got it?

Well, that’s where this part of the forum serves a useful purpose. Luckily, no-one with a nervous disposition will loiter below the bilges for long, so their risk of immediate exposure is low. The problem, however, is that even those with the cast-iron stomachs and the disposition of a Zen master would be at risk. There is little doubt that, as the lower decks cleared in a vain effort at self-protection, the effects would soon spread to the upper decks. Beyond that… :open_mouth:

We may need to all raid our Monopoly sets to see if the HAW Grand Moo Baa is open to, er, “simplifying the process in the interests of public safety.”

True. But let’s keep things in perspective: given the traumatic potential inherent in photographic proofs of Jaysen’s H.A., should they ever be unleashed on the public, the status of my own wellbeing is immaterial. It’s like comparing the economic health of New Zealand to the combined economic status of the USA, Europe, China, Brazil and India; or ripples in a beach side tidal pool to a Pacific Ocean tsunami.

Then again, I work with adolescents* so HAW are relatively tame: I’ll be fine. However, there’s only one me (I’m not vic-k**), so I’d have to focus on those closest to the point of release. As for everyone else, “time heals all wounds” and “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” are helpful lies to ease the night-terrors, reduce the shaking and temporarily stem the tears.

[size=85]Which may help explain Jaysen’s concern about me being unaffected.
I’m reasonably certain of this, if for no other reason than I don’t know how to weld

***Well, other than the three rules of (1) point the hot stick away from your face and towards the weldy-bits, (2) don’t look at the light unless you already can’t see, and (3) at least a half moon must be rising from the rear of the trousers department. I presume there’s more to welding than that? [/size]

My experience indicates that you have about 98% of the technique down. It’s like writing. once you can produce the alphabet on paper, you’re 90% of the way there.

I will tell you, that there is a true art to welding. Even on an industrial scale. Feed and motion rates can change subtly in fractions of a second. You have to be aware of your surroundings in ways outside the normal existence for modern man. Seeing in near dark conditions, subtleties of high frequency sounds, tolerating heat that tells you to move but waiting for that subtle shift in intensity that says “my hand is on fire”.

Welding is, in a very literal sense, controlling the chaos of a lightening bolt. Metal instantly melts. You control the bleeding metal, guiding its flow toward a neighbor blending the two individual pieces into one continuous entity. Both originals cease to be, they become one. You are Zeus and with your lightening bolt you create new things.

I’ve only done the easiest type of welding. “Make tube A stick to tube B.” Watching a local artisan working on a sculpture I’ve come to realize that the “craft” involved in any trade can be acquired with experience, but that the art, the thing that sets Jack London or Mark Twain or Steven King so far above me, is something you have to feel. You just can’t be taught how to make art.

But I digress. I have photos to take…

Surely you mean Wankers?? 8)

Not sure…are you saying that you’ve managed to acquire a welding mask complete with an integral head? That’s it, isn’t it? Clever clever! I can see real opportunities here: pre-filled gloves for when you need to lend a hand; shoes that never give an inch because they’ve already got a foot; condoms, fully inflated with Vic-k’s ego; oh, the possibilities are endless…


Although that last one might be problematic… I’m not sure they make them in that size.

EGO?!! MOI? :confused:

I have nothing substantive to add to this conversation.