# Where Jaysen tests the patience of Mr Piggy **URL:** \ **Category:** Novel in a Day\ **Created:** [September 24, 2014, 11:45am UTC](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/t/where-jaysen-tests-the-patience-of-mr-piggy/28023 "2014-09-24T11:45:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Jaysen](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/user_avatar/forum.literatureandlatte.com/jaysen/32/16_2.png) [@Jaysen](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/u/Jaysen)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2014, 7:07pm UTC](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/t/where-jaysen-tests-the-patience-of-mr-piggy/28023/61 "2014-10-24T19:07:30Z")
Mr Piggy, We have a problem. A dolphin stopped by for a chat and pointed out that you have, contrary to the obviousness of the fact, scheduled NiaD4 to impact a specific homo sapiens’ ability to catch and supply mullet to the local pod. Said dolphin requests that you reschedule NaiD4 to occur only during low tides, and on a non-peak day. Don’t shoot the messenger. Shooting dolphins is illegal. So you’re stuck. ---
**Author:** ![pigfender](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/user_avatar/forum.literatureandlatte.com/pigfender/32/40316_2.png) [@pigfender](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/u/pigfender)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2014, 7:10pm UTC](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/t/where-jaysen-tests-the-patience-of-mr-piggy/28023/62 "2014-10-24T19:10:33Z")
I have less than four hours and still need to finish writing the briefs, so if you could talk amongst yourselves for a while, that’d be helpful. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Jaysen](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/user_avatar/forum.literatureandlatte.com/jaysen/32/16_2.png) [@Jaysen](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/u/Jaysen)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2014, 7:13pm UTC](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/t/where-jaysen-tests-the-patience-of-mr-piggy/28023/63 "2014-10-24T19:13:11Z")
> [@pigfender](#): > > I have less than four hours and still need to finish writing the briefs… I kind of pictured you as a boxer man myself. And if you need advice, a little spritz of water and a hot iron is really all you need. ---
**Author:** ![Siren](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/user_avatar/forum.literatureandlatte.com/siren/32/18336_2.png) [@Siren](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/u/Siren)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2014, 7:20pm UTC](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/t/where-jaysen-tests-the-patience-of-mr-piggy/28023/64 "2014-10-24T19:20:19Z")
> [@Jaysen](#): > > I kind of pictured you as a boxer man myself. Now I’m worried. Surely you cannot be imagining our esteemed NiaD organiser in his undergarments? Where’s your respect, Jaysen?! ---
**Author:** ![Jaysen](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/user_avatar/forum.literatureandlatte.com/jaysen/32/16_2.png) [@Jaysen](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/u/Jaysen)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2014, 7:36pm UTC](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/t/where-jaysen-tests-the-patience-of-mr-piggy/28023/65 "2014-10-24T19:36:34Z")
> [@Siren](#): > > > [@Jaysen](#): > > > > I kind of pictured you as a boxer man myself. > > Now I’m worried. Surely you cannot be imagining our esteemed NiaD organiser in his undergarments? Where’s your respect, Jaysen?! We’re talking about Mr piggy here, right? Now, I never said “I imagine” which would imply that I have constructed a mental picture which I have contemplated. I think, dangerous for stumpy people like me, the context of pictured is one of “assumed”. But i will give you the room here. One can not throw rocks from the comfort of a glass house and not expect to get cut by falling glass. I bow to you … ---
**Author:** ![vic-k](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/letter_avatar_proxy/v4/letter/v/46a35a/32.png) [@vic-k](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/u/vic-k)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2014, 8:45pm UTC](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/t/where-jaysen-tests-the-patience-of-mr-piggy/28023/66 "2014-10-24T20:45:42Z")
> [@Jaysen](#): > > I kind of pictured you as a boxer man myself Seems to me, that he’s more of a 'thong’ person 😕 ---
**Author:** ![nom](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/user_avatar/forum.literatureandlatte.com/nom/32/20_2.png) [@nom](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/u/nom)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2014, 10:52pm UTC](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/t/where-jaysen-tests-the-patience-of-mr-piggy/28023/67 "2014-10-24T22:52:29Z")
> [@Montree\_Whiles](#): > > > [@nom](#): > > > > Plan #37… > > Uhm, what happened to plans numbered 33-37? 33, 35 and 36 are still in play (another of Wile E. Coyote’s mistakes was only implementing one plan at a time). With only 10 minutes to go, I think the best I can hope for is, well, 10 minutes. 😒 ---
**Author:** ![Jaysen](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/user_avatar/forum.literatureandlatte.com/jaysen/32/16_2.png) [@Jaysen](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/u/Jaysen)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2015, 9:05pm UTC](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/t/where-jaysen-tests-the-patience-of-mr-piggy/28023/68 "2015-08-04T21:05:13Z")
Now? Ioa, isn’t that a bit to much like “real life” for some members of the crew? VIC-K!!! You havn’t stirred the pot yet! where are you? and don’t give us any of the this sleeping excuses… I’m still not clear on one thing, how do I get the cheezeits dispenser to work in scrivener? ---
**Author:** ![vic-k](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/letter_avatar_proxy/v4/letter/v/46a35a/32.png) [@vic-k](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/u/vic-k)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2015, 9:39pm UTC](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/t/where-jaysen-tests-the-patience-of-mr-piggy/28023/69 "2015-08-04T21:39:36Z")
Sorry numpt. Promised my 6 yr old grand nephew fairy story for his 7th birthday. excerpt I[i]n the dispatching of human, only two armlegs were ever called into use. To begin with, one would reach out and gently take hold one of the human’s hands, whist the other would caress and stroke the hair and head of the victim. Probably, on the third or fourth stroke, a few strands of hair would be plucked from the scalp. The armleg holding the hapless, evil human’s hand, could raise it to the demon’s mouth, and hold it there whist it nibbled at a few fingertips, sucking the blood flowing through the fingers, as though it were using a bunch of straws. The armleg hand, systematically denuding the head, could stop for a second or two and very slowly, tear off an earlobe, or pluck an eye from its socket. The Runtaqui-likes’ skill, lay in prolonging the horror of the dismantling of the human’s body, digit by digit, limb by limb, organ by organ, without affording the sinner the merciful release of death. To itemise the full extent of Runtaqui’s repertoire of exquisitely painful procedures, would require an inordinate amount of time and effort, so, suffice to say that they are extensive. One facet of the tormenting process that used to appeal above all others to Runtaqui, was that of slowly peeling strips of skin from various parts of the evil, screaming human’s body, and devouring those strips (as that evil human itself, might have consume hors d’oeuvre, in its pre-Hell existance, ), before nibbling on the excruciatingly sensitive, exposed subcutaneous tissue. [/i] Seriously numpt, I don’t have t’ write 😒 that rubbish, so I have no problem. If I enrolled, I’d be faced with an imperative: finish or let folk down … and it’s that, that induces the 'block from hell" But you all have my best wishes, for an enjoyable, rewarding, and fun time on October 17th Take care Vic ---
**Author:** ![Jaysen](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/user_avatar/forum.literatureandlatte.com/jaysen/32/16_2.png) [@Jaysen](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/u/Jaysen)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2015, 10:15pm UTC](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/t/where-jaysen-tests-the-patience-of-mr-piggy/28023/70 "2015-08-04T22:15:04Z")
> [@pigfender](#): > > Jaysen wrote: > Piggy, no comment on teams? > I actually didn’t understand the question, so glossed over it in the hope that it wasn’t important. That’s a good life strategy, right? Well… Mrs kind of takes that approach so it must work. Teams: multiple folks writing a chapter. it was mentioned last year as a sub-NiaD. You were all “DO NOT ENCOURAGE THOSE TWO!” Ring a bell? I’m going to write a bout space fairies undertaking piratical raids into MI5 confidential files in an effort to force US football (the oval type) teams to replace all linemen with ballerinas. That’s my chapter. ---
**Author:** ![Jaysen](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/user_avatar/forum.literatureandlatte.com/jaysen/32/16_2.png) [@Jaysen](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/u/Jaysen)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2015, 10:17pm UTC](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/t/where-jaysen-tests-the-patience-of-mr-piggy/28023/71 "2015-08-04T22:17:29Z")
> [@vic-k](#): > > [i]In the dispatching of human, only two armlegs were ever called into use. To begin with, one would reach out and gently take hold one of the human’s hands, whist the other would caress and stroke the hair and head of the victim. Probably, on the third or fourth stroke, a few strands of hair would be plucked from the scalp. The armleg holding the hapless, evil human’s hand, could raise it to the demon’s mouth, and hold it there whist it nibbled at a few fingertips, sucking the blood flowing through the fingers, as though it were using a bunch of straws. > > The armleg hand, systematically denuding the head, could stop for a second or two and very slowly, tear off an earlobe, or pluck an eye from its socket. The Runtaqui-likes’ skill, lay in prolonging the horror of the dismantling of the human’s body, digit by digit, limb by limb, organ by organ, without affording the sinner the merciful release of death. > > To itemise the full extent of Runtaqui’s repertoire of exquisitely painful procedures, would require an inordinate amount of time and effort, so, suffice to say that they are extensive. One facet of the tormenting process that used to appeal above all others to Runtaqui, was that of slowly peeling strips of skin from various parts of the evil, screaming human’s body, and devouring those strips (as that evil human itself, might have consume hors d’oeuvre, in its pre-Hell existance, ), before nibbling on the excruciatingly sensitive, exposed subcutaneous tissue. > [/i] Careful Mr K… Mr Piggy may steal your story. Mrs wants to know if you left a preceding digit of the age of your nephew. ---
**Author:** ![vic-k](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/letter_avatar_proxy/v4/letter/v/46a35a/32.png) [@vic-k](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/u/vic-k)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2015, 10:22pm UTC](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/t/where-jaysen-tests-the-patience-of-mr-piggy/28023/72 "2015-08-04T22:22:49Z")
> [@Jaysen](#): > > Mrs wants to know if you left a preceding digit of the age of your nephew. Numpty, tell that beautiful wife of yours, that if she wants to remain on the pedestal that I’ve placed her on … she’ll have t’ stop believing everything I say! 😊 ---
**Author:** ![Jaysen](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/user_avatar/forum.literatureandlatte.com/jaysen/32/16_2.png) [@Jaysen](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/u/Jaysen)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2015, 12:43am UTC](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/t/where-jaysen-tests-the-patience-of-mr-piggy/28023/73 "2015-08-05T00:43:55Z")
> [@gr](#): > > Aw crap, I’m in. Generally you want the crap out, don’t ya? And if you’re havin’ issues in that department you can get help from Vic-K and nom’s Maud in what’s her name. I WANT MY CHAPTER. And I like the double un-tendre there. You need some parent-heritic-acles in there to really get up to the NiaDistic level demanded by Vic-k. He is quite the critic when it comes to proper silliness. CAN I HAVE ONE WITH PICKLES? > [@vic-k](#): > > > [@Jaysen](#): > > > > Mrs wants to know if you left a preceding digit of the age of your nephew. > > Numpty, tell that beautiful wife of yours, that if she wants to remain on the pedestal that I’ve placed her on … she’ll have t’ stop believing everything I say! 😊 Mr K, you can no more remove the pedestal from beneath Mrs numpty than you can remove the wings from the angles surrounding the ark. As to her believing anything you say, she fully understands that anyone with your high status in my hierarchy of associates, should have all statements approached in full hazmat gear and a 30’ pole. CAN I HAVE ONE BETWEEN NOMNOMNOMNOM AND GRRRRRRR?? ---
**Author:** ![Jaysen](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/user_avatar/forum.literatureandlatte.com/jaysen/32/16_2.png) [@Jaysen](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/u/Jaysen)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2015, 2:39pm UTC](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/t/where-jaysen-tests-the-patience-of-mr-piggy/28023/74 "2015-08-05T14:39:40Z")
> [@pigfender](#): > > Jaysen, calm down; you’ll hurt yourself. B̶u̶t̶.̶.̶.̶ ̶N̶i̶a̶D̶.̶.̶.̶ ̶F̶u̶n̶.̶.̶.̶ ̶N̶o̶w̶.̶.̶.̶ ̶ ̶ N̶o̶w̶?̶ ̶ ̶ I̶s̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶t̶i̶m̶e̶ ̶y̶e̶t̶? Yes, of course. Sorry, Mr Pigfender. You are right in this as in ALL things. I am definitely writing this of my own free will. Noooo way this was edited by a Moderator. ---
**Author:** ![Jaysen](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/user_avatar/forum.literatureandlatte.com/jaysen/32/16_2.png) [@Jaysen](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/u/Jaysen)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2015, 5:10pm UTC](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/t/where-jaysen-tests-the-patience-of-mr-piggy/28023/75 "2015-08-05T17:10:03Z")
😢 ---
**Author:** ![Jaysen](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/user_avatar/forum.literatureandlatte.com/jaysen/32/16_2.png) [@Jaysen](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/u/Jaysen)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2015, 5:51pm UTC](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/t/where-jaysen-tests-the-patience-of-mr-piggy/28023/76 "2015-08-05T17:51:00Z")
Piggy yelled at me 😢 > [@Briar Kit](#): > > 1. Not talented enough to participate. I never said that didn’t apply to me. ---
**Author:** ![Briar\_Kit](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/letter_avatar_proxy/v4/letter/b/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Briar\_Kit](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/u/Briar_Kit)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2015, 6:14pm UTC](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/t/where-jaysen-tests-the-patience-of-mr-piggy/28023/77 "2015-08-05T18:14:54Z")
> [@Jaysen](#): > > Piggy yelled at me 😢 > > > [@Briar Kit](#): > > > > 1. Not talented enough to participate. > > I never said that didn’t apply to me. And I never said (or thought for a moment) that it did. 😆 ---
**Author:** ![vic-k](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/letter_avatar_proxy/v4/letter/v/46a35a/32.png) [@vic-k](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/u/vic-k)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2015, 6:46pm UTC](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/t/where-jaysen-tests-the-patience-of-mr-piggy/28023/78 "2015-08-05T18:46:34Z")
> [@Jaysen](#): > > Piggy yelled at me Well numpty … his is a PIG, after all. Wot d’ y’expect! > [@Jaysen](#): > > I never said that didn’t apply to me. We know that numpt. We just take it as a given. > [@Briar Kit](#): > > 2, Not well enough to commit. :cry > Welllll hmmm. Uncle Vic can run with that one. > > 1. Not talented enough to participate. ☹ > Wellll hmmm. Concealeth not ones illuminance under a bushel, my little rose. > In the past, Uncle Vic has asked for a chapter, already assigned to another, to play with in his own time, for his own amusement. I’m fairly sure, pressure of running Niad, permitting ( and it is a lot of pressure), Piggy would send you the bumph for a chapter. You won’ be submitting it, but if you don’t read the finished Niad15 until you’ve completed yours, you’ll see how your effort would have fitted in. See what you come up with. Ask him … he can only say grunt grunt! He can’t bite y’. > : ---
**Author:** ![Jaysen](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/user_avatar/forum.literatureandlatte.com/jaysen/32/16_2.png) [@Jaysen](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/u/Jaysen)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2015, 7:19pm UTC](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/t/where-jaysen-tests-the-patience-of-mr-piggy/28023/79 "2015-08-05T19:19:48Z")
> [@Briar Kit](#): > > > [@Jaysen](#): > > > > Piggy yelled at me 😢 > > > > > [@Briar Kit](#): > > > > > > 1. Not talented enough to participate. > > > > I never said that didn’t apply to me. > > And I never said (or thought for a moment) that it did. 😆 But maybe it does. You never know. ---
**Author:** ![Jaysen](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/user_avatar/forum.literatureandlatte.com/jaysen/32/16_2.png) [@Jaysen](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/u/Jaysen)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2015, 7:22pm UTC](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/t/where-jaysen-tests-the-patience-of-mr-piggy/28023/80 "2015-08-05T19:22:16Z")
> [@vic-k](#): > > > [@Briar Kit](#): > > > > 1. Not talented enough to participate. > > Wellll hmmm. Concealeth not ones illuminance under a bushel, my little rose. > In the past, Uncle Vic has asked for a chapter, already assigned to another, to play with in his own time, for his own amusement. I’m fairly sure, pressure of running Niad, permitting ( and it is a lot of pressure), Piggy would send you the bumph for a chapter. You won’ be submitting it, but if you don’t read the finished Niad15 until you’ve completed yours, you’ll see how your effort would have fitted in. See what you come up with. Ask him … he can only say grunt grunt! He can’t bite y’. If you gentlemen (and I use the term loosely with Mr K in the group), wish, we can all work on mine! I’ll commit to Piggy that I’ll do a real chapter but then forward it to you. That will reduce the need for extra effort on the part of the fearful leader. [Previous page](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/t/where-jaysen-tests-the-patience-of-mr-piggy/28023.md?page=3) [Next page](https://forum.literatureandlatte.com/t/where-jaysen-tests-the-patience-of-mr-piggy/28023.md?page=5)