A joke about writers

Hey. :slight_smile:
I just came across a joke about being a writer that I actually managed to find funny.

Here it is :

How many writers does it take to change a light bulb? – Fuck you, I’m not changing anything!

7 Likes

How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to actually change the bulb, while the other 99 watch and say, “I could do that.”

3 Likes

How many government employees does it take to change a light bulb?

Two.

One to screw it into the water faucet. And the other to tell us that every that can be done is being done.

4 Likes

I like this one too :
(Although perhaps the only reason I think of it as being funny is that I’m too busy to be crying instead. :stuck_out_tongue: )

How do you make a small fortune in publishing?
Well… first, you start with a large fortune, and then […]

. . . . . . . . . .

Or this one (same line of thought) :

What’s the difference between a writer and a large cheese pizza?
The pizza can feed a family of three.

3 Likes

Putin goes to a fortune teller and asks, “When will I die?”

Fortune teller, “You will die on a Ukrainian holiday.”

Putin, “Which Ukrainian holiday is that?”

Fortune teller, “Any day you die will be a Ukrainian holiday.” :rofl:

6 Likes

How do Microsoft, Apple, Facebook, and Google change a light bulb?

They don’t. They declare darkness the new standard.

4 Likes

In a variation on that one, they don’t change it, they…

  • Facebook: ends up “accidentally” perpetrating the myth that lightbulbs cause cancer and asphyxiation and 78.257% of their user base ends up firmly believing it to the point of screaming at Home Depot employees in self-made viral videos. Mark Z. is summoned to a senate hearing, wherein he is asked several hours of questions about how light switches work.
  • Microsoft: produces a series of 800 page whitepapers, each documenting a different programming language that can be used to change lightbulbs, none of which end up being used after 15 years. The room remains dark throughout.
  • Apple: holds a 35 minute turtleneck & jeans keynote on how innovative Dark Room will be, accompanied by slick photographs of the revolutionary thin fixtures we now have without the bulb. Five years later, after a class action lawsuit and EU legislation, begrudgingly releases Green Light, a carbon neutral bulb, which fits into nothing, and unironically requires an $80 plastic adapter to screw into legacy fixtures. It remains on back-order to this day.
  • Google: finds a way to fingerprint the wiring signature of every room with a burned out bulb, using nothing but the electric grid connected to any device, cross-references the data with tens of millions of user accounts and builds aggressive lightbulb advertising into the Alphabet infrastructure. Firefox and Safari releases a patch ten days later that blocks the tracking, and few lightbulbs ultimately end up replaced.
  • Linux Users: still working on getting the glass-blower setup built in the garage, but the original design has been forked 89 times on Github. Nobody can agree on which standard to use for incandescence, so the end user is left with various schematics, and difficult to procure parts lists, until finally someone produces a FlatPak that includes 80% of a canned self-contained operating system in order to make it functional. Well, it will be once the glass-blower is done.
9 Likes

… while “inadvertently” forgetting to let anyone know about it…

2 Likes

How many producers does it take to change a light bulb?
Does it have to be a light bulb?

How many location managers does it take to change a light bulb?
That’s an exterior now.

How many Teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. Do you have a problem with that?

How many movie stars does it take to change a light bulb?
One. They hold the bulb and the world revolves around them.

3 Likes

I wish I could like your Putin “joke” more than once.
(The quotation marks are there because your joke is somewhat more truth than fiction :wink: )

It is actually a retread of a very old joke that goes back who knows how long. You just change the name according to the times.

When I first heard it, Yasser Arafat was informed he would die on a Jewish holiday. My mother told me that when she heard it, Mussolini would die on an Italian holiday. Probably, Napoleon was told he would die on a British holiday. And so on down through history.

There may even be a version in Russia of Zelensky visiting a fortune teller. :innocent:

here’s another one, and this one really funny if u understand it:

how many game developers does it take to change a lightbulb?

…none. they prefer dark mode