Met a guy down the pub, and he had a Waitrose plastic bag full of iPhones. He said he was a fool to himself, but hed let me have one for a fiver. So, I bought one (me being a style warrior, like), trouble is, I cant get it to do anything. 
I`ve been back to the pub, but when I ask if the guy has been back, people look at me as if I was wearing a red nose and a funny hat, and shake their heads.
Ive added photo incase you think Im joking.
Can anybody tell me how to get it to work?
Thanks
Vic
I got one of those for FREE, but it was handed to me quickly in the street by someone who ran off.
I can’t get mine to work either. It’s a lot thinner than I thought it would be…
Thin!! Jeeezz! My wifes debit card has more meat on it.
Has yours got this printed in various places on the back:
TETRA PAK SA
TSETSERLEG
OUTER MONGOLIA
Mine has
I think I`ll get my wife to phone Apple and do some kicking off.
Got a feeling I`ve been ripped off.
vic
Just returned from a trip to the next village and Im feeling a bit disillusioned after it. Took my iPhone into Costa Coffee. Not my natural habitat, since I dont have a laptop, and my iMac sat on the table, would appear a bit incongruous, I think.
I did however, engage in a 20 min pretend diatribe against the iniquities of over long visitations by one`s in-laws, with an imaginary fellow sufferer, on my new iPhone
During the course of this, I paid rapt attention to the reaction of other customers. The looks I garnered from them, ranged from, incredulity on the one hand, to amused bewilderment on the other. None of the looks, Im afraid to say, were of the covetous, kind. Nor did any of Costas other customers approach me and say, â€
I think you have mistaken the reactions of the other customers. Incredulity and amused bewildement often are indistinguishable from stupefied awe and shy admiration. Those people realized they hadn’t the intellectual or artistic power to communicate on your level. And as for buying your phone – really Vic, how many people in a village coffee shop are going to even have access to that much cash, let alone carry it around with them?
That, at any rate, is how I rationalize the behavior of those around me when I stop in for a latte at the neighborhood Italian pastry shop.
Phil
I think the phone looks extremely enviable, but you should really have a talk with your hairdresser. And maybe buy a new hat.
Phil,
Your words are succour to the troubled soul.
Bottle en route 
Pink,
Because youre very cute looking, and Im a sucker for a prety face,I shall take your words on board, and get my act together.
And welcome to Scriv, it won`t be long before chapter 4
Vic