Novel available to buy!

I have just put my first novel, “Parody”, onto the internet. It is the first of seven books I have planned in my circus detective trilogy (I am already 1,023 words into the second book, “Cliché”).

A novel
[i]"Solving crime through the power of mime"[/i]

John-Paul Billecart, a mime from the local circus known affectionately as 'Pierre', has a problem: His best friend is dead.

The body was found half-eaten in the lion enclosure. The circus bosses tell everyone it was a tragic accident, but after Pierre finds a stash of hidden cat food he knows that someone had starved the lions to breaking point. When the police write the affair off as death by misadventure, it's left to Pierre to solve the crime, interviewing witnesses one slightly mocking silent impersonation at a time...

It’s a great story with a unique voice, because the lead character - the mime - doesn’t say a single word of dialogue throughout the story.

It’s had brilliant feedback so far. My sister said “it’s really good, how did you find the time?” and my best friend laughed from the very first time he saw it.

What I find really interesting is that when a story is as good as this it really doesn’t take long to write at all. To save time (I didn’t want to interrupt the flow of writing) I didn’t bother with research for my first draft, but I didn’t need to do a second pass in the end as it was already getting a great response from my family.

If any of you are agents and after buying and reading the book you want to approach me about representation, please contact me through Direct Messaging on this site. I have decided to write under the nom-de-plume of “PF Rowling” so my books will sit next to JK Rowling on the shelves as well as in people’s hearts and minds.

Mr Pig, in a similar vein my human has just finished a new book. He is going through a ,genre fusion, phase. His most recent effort ,Silicon/e, is a mix of Hard Sci-Fi and Erotica.

Herr Schweinkotflügel,
Can’t wait to get my hands (oops! Sorry paws), on it. I do hope the kindle version isn’t more than £323.765, Vic-k’sfunds are a bit low at the mo. I keep downloading ebooks without him knowing:( :blush: Is this the one where Dave, howling with laughter, removes Roy’s intestines and feeds them to the dog, whilst sitting on a low wall, by the side of a South London road? :confused:

P.S. just wondering…and for the sake of accuracy, exactly how many are there in your family?

Shouldn’t that be: Sillycon/e Sci-Fi and Hardcore Porn?
Hope your human has more idea of what he’s doing than mine has! :frowning:
Didn’t Beethoven compose the Erotica Symphony? … sponse_rev
Do take care,

Put the words “cat food” in a post and look who replies!

:open_mouth: :unamused: Cat food! Where? :unamused: I can’t see any cat food :unamused: Where is it? :frowning:
You’re walking on a very crumbly edge there Mr Pig! :imp:

The mousehound walked right into that one! :laughing: tch!tch!

I forgot to include an extract earlier…

Pierre sat down slowly wih exagerated precision, his painted face showing a deep downturned frown. As he often did to calm himself, he mimed gently stroking an imaginary cat; his nimble fingers rubbing around invisible ears and gentle caressing under a purrless chin. Suddenly he jerked his arm backwards and sucked on the back of his hand at a scratch mark that wasn't there. Even his fictional cat was against him today. 

Greg, one of the jugglers at the circus, came noisily into the room, practically jogging as he barged through the doorway. He pulled up sharply when he saw Pierre.

'Hey. Sorry, Pierre. Didn't know you were in here, man.' He scratched his head. 'How you doing?'

Pierre tilted his head to one side and gave a massive shrug.

'Yeah, man,' said Greg. 'You must be totally bummed.'

Pierre reached up and wiped under his right eye with a flourish before crinkling his nose and shaking his head as if blowing into a hankerchief. Greg looked at him and shook his head.

'Dude, you need to, like, get out of character once in a while.' He picked up an armful of juggling batons like oversized bowling pins and headed out the door. 'And maybe, y'know, grab a beer.'

Thou art not a man, thou’rt but a jester!
On with the motley, and the paint, and the powder!
The people pay thee, and want their laugh, you know!
If Harlequin thy Columbine has stolen, laugh Punchinello!
The world will cry, “Bravo!” … re=related

Perhaps, under the motley, and behind the greasepaint, there’s really nothing there…or…maybe, Pierre, doesn’t care for that which he finds there. :frowning:

The world abounds with vociferous mimes.

I hold high hopes that I will be able to sell this idea to a major American TV studio to turn it into a crime fighting series.

Pierre could be a career redefining role for Matt Le Blanc. I will insist on having a walk on cameo role in the inevitable episode guest starring Britney Spears.

The world will have to wait for me to finish the story of Dave, Roy and Dog. This mime fighting crime concept is just TOO IMPORTANT.

Now i,m worried that you,re not actually joking.

Y’ see floss, I think what we’re looking at here is pig man’s meltdown. He’s about to morph (mentally, that is), into a character in his own tale! :open_mouth: I fear he’s turning into [size=50]Britney spears[/size]. Oh gawd. It doesn’t bear thinking about :open_mouth: :frowning: We’ll have to offtopick!

Have you got a new keyboard, with the (') where the (,) used to be, and vice versa? My human has the same problem. When his iMac died :cry: he had to use the female human’s Wintel jobby, and to quote His Crassness,“The f*%$*!& thing’s all arse about face!”

You do seem to have developed a penchant for the comma.

We’ll have to keep an eye on developments above. If he becomes too deranged, we’ll have to ask the moderators to heave him overboard. If it gets any worse, it could set them all off :open_mouth:

It,s polite to say on these occasions that it,s a tragic shame and that he was cut down in his prime, but neither statement appears to be justifiable at this point.

I find using the shift key hard with my paws so I just use commas for everything.

Wot!! :open_mouth: :laughing: Since when do you do, 'polite :smiling_imp: '.

Yeah y’r right. “He’s lost the ******* plot!” says it all.

That’s freaking out His Obtuseness.

His private education at, L’école pour les Récidivistes Récalcitrants left him lacking many of the prerequisite skill bases necessary for basic interaction/communication with his fellow humans.
He believed for the first 35yrs of his miserable, worthless existence, that,(') denoted possession, and (,) denoted omission, or possibly vice versa. Your little peccadillo is a constant reminder of his lowly born status.

What can you do with colons/semicolons? Anything kinky? :smiling_imp: Apart from irrigations, obviously.
Must dash…oh dear: dash! Aren’t we being all syntactically grammatical this morning?