google.co.uk/search?client= … 41&bih=986
Feminist Bookshop!!! Let me out!! 
Esteemed Sir K:
Our intense concern for your well-being, sir (not to mention our fears for your sanity) inspired a group of us – who shall remain, for obvious reasons, anonymous – to work quietly behind the scenes, under the radar, outside the law, and well away from the Internet, to prevent such as this from coming into your ken.
Mere words cannot express the rank despair into which this event – your innocent exposure to Portlandia – has pitched us. We shall do all in our power to provide for you such amenities and reparations as are within our reach and power.
Do, please, remain calm. Do not drink potent beverages, or engage in heat-inducing activities, until we are able to guarantee your safety.
The Commissariat
Hey, doesn’t Ioa live in Portland? I think I read that somewhere, maybe in a Feminist Bookshop! 
Venerable Comrades,
Your concern leaves me platitudinously overwhelmed.
However, your concerns notwithstanding, have I not undergone, what the capitalist cultural establishment would deem to be, ‘my right of passage’.
K. Sir
Young Naive Master Bob, Half of Scrivener’s crew, hail from that hellhole!! 
Don’t you know that!!! Do you live in a bubble?!! They are Scrivener’s bilge rats. Bilge Rattus Rattus.tch!tch! Saints preserve us!
Fluff
Saints preserve us? Nay, fetid feline. 'Tis implicit, and thee knows it, that the Good Ship Scrivener’s motley crew needs no such saintly patronage. They have…Le D! 
Ahh…Monsieur le bête,
So we meet again. It is…how you say…a long time, non…eh? 
La félin fétide, is parlez de son cul…non?
Vive Le D…eh? 
Take care mon ami.
Bonne Chance,
Le D
I thought Ioa lived in the land of Powell’s and maple bacon donuts?