Happy Birthday, Master Mark.
May the firmament be always bathed in your aura, as you jostle for your rightful place amongst the stars. 
youtube.com/watch?v=z08jGpgr43Y
Hope it’s a good one, Master Mark 
What? He’s older? I thought he did that last year?
Happy B-day Mr X.
Look Mr X, there’s no point trying to keep in the lead. I know you’re still trying to beat me because every time I have a birthday, a couple of months later you have one. You might think you’re clever, trying to stay that extra year older than me, but the jokes on you: every additional year of my life is a larger proportion of my age than the same year is as a proportion of yours. Therefore, I am clearly ageing faster than you. Ha!
Oh…
Er… Happy birthday anyway Mr X! I baked you one of my special forum birthday cakes (with coloured candles*) and, as a special peace offering, made it extra large…
[size=200]iii[/size]
[size=85]*apparently the explanation is necessary 
[/size]
Thanks so much people, for wishes, whisky and cakes. 
As for you getting older faster than me (and the illustrious Vic-K!) on statistical grounds — who was it who said, “There are lies, damned lies, and statistics!”? — as time flies more quickly, the older you get — I’m sure the illustrious Vic-K, will confirm that — my years go by more quickly than yours, so I am ageing faster than you!
The only thing to do is enjoy the cake and whisky and cock a snook at the passing of time!
Mr X
Up to you, Vic. I need no confirmation, though the headless one and his NOMsensicality might query my use of language.
Mr X
Happy birthday to the only person crazy enough who runs Scrivener with WINE on a Mac 
Happy birthday, Mark. Enjoy the day (or what’s left of it).
Thank you, garpu.
I am not that crazy to run Scrivener like that all the time … it’s only when working with my collaborator, who uses Windows, and we’re dealing with Chinese. Apple and Qt each use a different alternative addressing system for high-end UTF-8 which makes sharing between platforms an impossibility. For all my own work, I’ve been using Scrivener on my Macs since Dec ’06/Jan ’07.
Mr X
Thank you; a nice quiet day, which is what I want — even as a child, birthdays were insignificant, with going out for a good meal somewhere between my brother’s birthday and mine being the nearest thing to a birthday celebration.
Mr X
Not me: I’d never question your use of language. Your age, yes. Your taste, yes. Even your sanity (using “vic-k” and “illustrious” in the same sentence, but without irony, is a disturbing sign - that would probably be seen as evidence of disordered thought in a psychiatric mental state exam). But never your use of language.
[size=85]P.S. Glad to read you had a quiet, pleasant day. [/size]
[size=50]P.P.SIf I make the the text small enough…[/size]
[size=30]you’ll have to guess the implied insult.[/size]
[size=10]P.P.P.S. But if you enlarge the text, the inference becomes even more direct. [/size] 
Ah, but the point about querying my use of language was precisely to invite each of you to speculate on whether I was being ironic or not, provocative or not … or merely insane. I remain mum on that one, but clearly the comment worked!
Mr X
A cunning plan well executed. It restores our faith in the wisdom of the elders while also providing a timely reminder to check our pockets before they leave…
A propos, in the “Pick of the week’s correspondence” page in The Week 13/09 edition, a quoted letter has the following anecdote from Peacham’s The Compleat Gentleman of 1622:
Mr X
Ha!
~
Mr X, sorry to have missed the online celebrations, especially as I can deduce from Nom’s brightly coloured candles that you were three. Third birthday’s are always fun.
Hope the family made all appropriate reverence. Your very good health, Sir.
That was not a nice trick sir. The mrs and I spent excessive time arguing over how long it would be before I gave in and used … the tricks of my elders … to read the last lines.
Mr X, as to your state of sanity, I request that you kindly recall your transcontinental DRIVE. I believe your sanity was well entrenched in a position of “laze-fare” abandonment well before the 365.25th day of your latest year passed into the tomes of history.
Glad to hear I’ve contributed to communication within a marriage.
I must also congratulate you on your tactical creativity: using an argument with your wife to delay her inevitable victory of that argument is inspired.