Having contracted ME (Myalgic Encephalopathy), in 99, I always referred to the condition as feeling: wasted; zombified; brain dead, and various other malphemisms. But, whichever term I used, it was invariably intended as a description of the syndrome, and not usually, of one particular symptom.
In March 07, I entered a (or, could even be,[i]another[/i]), delusional phase of my life, where I erroneously entertained the dual-notion that I could:
A) through a course of study (the first since 1959), become a ‘writer’.
B) through subjecting my brain (ME`s a neurological disease), to the mental discipline required to attain that status, I would have gained the necessary skills, to enable me to tame down the ME, and bend it to my will.
Both notions fell at the first miniscule hurdle. However, what it did do, was enable me to add another sobriquet to the list.
[b][u]‘The Writers Block From Hell’[/u][/b] The above could be used as a description of the syndrome in general, but more specifically, of one of the more, bizarre`, symptoms: ‘Shutdown’. Bear with me while I regale you with the best example I can think of.
An attempted break in at my eldest daughters house . Someone tried to crowbar one of the cheapo, wooden, double glazed downstairs window open. As a temporary security measure, whilst awaiting a total refitting throughout the house, of a more robust/secure d/glazed system, I decided to fit two right angled brackets to each d/stairs window. Three holes each in both faces of the brackets. One face screwed to the frame, the other screwed to the openers frame. The rationale behind this move, was simply that anyone attempting a break-in, would take so long, and make enough noise to awaken the dead in to the bargain. So theoretically, anybody in the house would have more than enough warning, and sufficient time to alert the police.
Seven opening windows downstairs=14 brackets.
Six holes per bracket=84 holes to be drilled.
Id fitted brackets to five of the windows, the last one being the first in the kitchen. I was about to fit the first of the two brackets, to the second window in the kitchen. This is where it gets weird: I picked up the bracket, intending to offer it up the window frame, in order to mark off the holes for the screws...and there I stood for over a minute, just looking at the window, unable to enact that very simple procedure. I wasnt physically immobilised in anyway, because I turned around and leant against the cupboard behind me. Then I put down the bkt and pencil, and picked up and filled the kettle before putting it on to boil. Took a mug from the cupboard; rooted out the tea bags and sweeteners.
At this point I picked up bkt. and pencil again, and walked across to the window, my intention being as before, and just like before I stood there unable to complete this simple task. I stood there until I heard the kettle switch itself off, at which point I brewed up.
Cup of tea in hand, I toddled off and inspected my handiwork on the other five windows. After a while I returned to the kitchen, and picked up bracket and pencil, but nothing had changed. I took what was left of my cuppa, and sat in the backyard, listening to a soddin` blackbird singin its head off.
From shutdown to restart, it took about 45mins. This,shutdown, phenomenon, occurs often enough, but is in no way ameliorated or exacerbated by the inherent complexity or simplicity of the task to hand. The shutdown/block can endure for minutes; hours; days or months.
The point of all this preamble, is to give as comprehensive an account, of a phenomenon that sounds and seems suspiciously like what goes on in your/our heads, when you/we complain of writer`s block.
I dont know ( and I suppose its the the question Im posing ) if, when you complain of, ‘Block’, do you already have the words at your disposal, but suffer an inability to put them down on paper or screen, just like me with the bkts. I knew what I had to do and how to do it, but, just couldnt.
I hope this makes sense to you all. I really am more than half convinced that these phenomena , ‘Shutdown & Block’, have the same fountainhead.
Ill let yous off the hook.
Take care
Vic
). But I have to say that I found Parts One and Two really - well, inspiring, for want of a better word. The crux of the book comes in just giving the enemy a name - “Resistance”. You want to write, but the Resistance inside you stops you from doing it. You feel guilty and crap every day you put it off, but still you do… And so on. Really, the message of the book is just, “Sit down, every day, and be there ready to write something. Even if it’s crap, even if you can’t think of a thing, just sit down at your computer doing that one thing.” But the way he puts it - it’s a convincing argument. So, after months more of procrastinating, I finally sat down again today and wrote 1,000 words. And tomorrow I am ready to fight Resistance again. I definitely recommend it (but heed McKee’s warning about Part Three if you’re not so big with the angels).
It sits there in perfect view every day of my life, challenging me when I collapse and stare at the ceiling on yet another unproductive afternoon, when the lead weight of RESISTANCE chortles wickedly at me from my very marrow. Knowing is not necessarily ultimately triumphing, unfortunately, when it comes to insidious enemies of the spirit.
